Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
