i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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