I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
