i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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