remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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