I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
