im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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