Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
