Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
