Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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