he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
