that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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