I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
