Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
