dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
