the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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