OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
