I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
