I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
