He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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