Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
