So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
