Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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