i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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