I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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