can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
