Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
