did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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