All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
