it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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