OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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