Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
