you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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