this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
