I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
