It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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