i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
God, you're like boner-b-gone
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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