Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
