how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
