next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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