he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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