is your mom at the bar?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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