fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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