she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
