I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
