I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sorry my hands just texted you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
