saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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