Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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