My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
