we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
